


Fathoms

by SilverAmoebasquid



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Feels, I cried while writing this, M/M, OKAY LISTEN UP PARTY PEOPLE, Sadness, TeruShira, TeruShira is too good for this world and I'm just causing heartbreak, i do not know, why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 06:29:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11731425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverAmoebasquid/pseuds/SilverAmoebasquid
Summary: Kenjirou comes home one night to an apartment as empty as his heart feels.





	Fathoms

**Author's Note:**

> SAD. BE WARNED. DO NOT SAY. THAT I DID NOT WARN YOU. BECAUSE HERE I AM. WARNING YOU. EVEN MORE HURT/COMFORT THAN MY NORMAL HURT/COMFORT. I CRIED WRITING THIS.
> 
> ESTABLISHED HEADCANON: This is post high school and Yuuji and Kenjirou work for a magazine; Yuuji as a photographer and Kenjirou as a journalist.  
> ESTABLISHED HEADCANON: Yuuji's father left before Yuuji was born and never made an effort to get in contact again and it has left Yuuji hecked up sometimes.

Ink traced snippets of words, pieces of sentences, excerpts from pages across the tips of Kenjirou’s fingers. It felt sticky and filthy and he couldn’t wait to get home so he could stand with his hands under warm running water for minutes longer than he needed to. His hands were sore, though that wasn’t an unusual feeling for him. As a journalist for a magazine, he spent most days behind a computer, his fingers flying over a keyboard with precision for hours on end. Today he had been editing. That meant running his finger under every line of text, eyes tracking each word and holding paper until the ink stained his hands.

He couldn’t wait to be home.

Of course, washing away the faint, stamped imprints of the day’s labors wasn’t what he was really looking forward to.

Yuuji had worked from home on this particular day and Kenjirou would have stayed with him had he not needed to pick up assignments at the office of the magazine they worked for. Yuuji was waist-deep in organization tasks and the photos he had just taken for his latest assignment weren’t helping.

On the days they spent separated, ten minutes rarely passed without a text message, but Yuuji had stopped replying late in the afternoon. Kenjirou had almost come home right then. If Yuuji wasn’t texting, it usually meant his workload was stressing him out. Kenjirou ignored his urge to go help. He needed to let Yuuji deal with his own problems. Photography was his area of expertise and all Kenjirou could really do was try to comfort him.

But sometimes, that was all that was necessary. Kenjirou’s hands tightened around the steering wheel and his foot twitched on the gas pedal, the speedometer needle rising.

The apartment was quiet when Kenjirou stepped inside. The lack of videogame music coming from the bedroom was probably a promising sign that Yuuji hadn’t gotten frustrated and given up yet.

“I’m home,” Kenjirou called toward the open door at the end of the hall. He got no response as he kicked his shoes off and undid the top three buttons of his shirt and walked to the kitchen sink.

“Yuuji!” Kenjirou said, louder this time. The warm water and soap soothed his hands and he closed his eyes for a few moments before shutting the water off again. Kenjirou took the towel with him, drying his hands on his way to the bedroom.

Both of Yuuji’s cameras were on the desk next to the computer, the digital screen displays still powered on. A red ball bounced around the edges of the computer monitor, indicating it had fallen into screen saver. There was an empty bag of popcorn in the trashcan that hadn’t been there when Kenjirou had left the apartment that morning.

“Yuuji?” Kenjirou stepped back out of the room and glanced around the living area, tossing the hand towel over the edge of the sink. Kenjirou’s eyes flicked to the front entryway where his two pairs of shoes lay neatly against the wall and Yuuji’s several pairs of shoes were always haphazardly kicked in a pile.

One pair was missing from the pile, though that didn’t mean they weren’t somewhere else in the house. Yuuji’s signature move was losing things like shoes in obvious places. But it could also mean he wasn’t there.

The missing pair of shoes were some of Yuuji’s favorites, comfortable and brightly colored. That could mean he had taken a break from work and had gone over to the store two blocks down for dinner ingredients.

Kenjirou sighed and oozed into his spot on the couch, feeling slightly less than solid. He was tired, his eyes hurt from reading pages of drafts all day, his brain hurt too much to think, and he couldn’t figure out why his heart was racing.

He had been looking forward to dragging himself through the front door with his last minutes of energy and falling into the only embrace that could charge his battery instantly.

Any minute, the front door would slam open and the soft ticking of the clock on the bookshelf would be drowned out by Yuuji’s lack of an inside voice.

“Kenjirou!” He would yell in greeting, all but throwing grocery bags on the wood floor and kicking his shoes into the disorganized mess of footwear before launching himself at Kenjirou. “Sorry I wasn’t home when you got here! I saw your car parked in our spot though, so I knew you’d be home! I want to try something new for dinner! I think you’re going to like it because I’m going off the recipe books and adding my own flair to it!”

“When was the last time you actually followed a recipe?”

“Does it matter? My way of making things is always much better anyway, don’t you think? Do you want to help me make it? You don’t have to if you’re tired!”

“I’m okay. I’d be more than happy to help if you want me to.”

“Sure! Do you want to chop the stuff?”

“What kind of stuff...?”

“Oh, lots of it! I just know you like chopping! You know how I know?”

“How do you know.”

“Because you always chop things into exactly, perfect-sized pieces and every single one is the exact same as all the others. And I know you like doing stuff that lets you be a perfectionist! I can always see it in your eyes. You know how I know that about you?”

“How do you know, Yuuji.”

“Because I love you.”

Kenjirou’s eyes fluttered open and he wiped tears from his cheeks. Was he crying? How had he fallen asleep by just sitting on the couch for a half a second? He figured it was probably an effect of only clocking about five hours of sleep the previous night, but that wasn’t a good enough excuse to fall apart.

He stood up and cleared his throat. Glancing at his watch, he noted that over a half an hour had passed since he’d gotten home. The quick nap had done nothing for the forming feeling of lightheadedness or his general discontentment. Kenjirou changed out of work clothes and stepped onto the small balcony off the bedroom that overlooked the street in front of the apartment building. The eastern sky was turning dark with the setting sun on the other side of the building. Kenjirou could see the convenience store down the street and the sidewalks between were empty of pedestrians.

Kenjirou bit his lip. He had been asleep for almost a half an hour. If Yuuji had gone to the store, he probably would’ve returned by this point. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Kenjirou hit the speed dial button.

“Hello! You’ve reached Terushima Yuuji— well, actually I guess you haven’t because this is voicemail! Sorry for missing your call; I’ll talk to you as soon as I possibly can or if you know my boyfriend, you can try calling Kenjirou because he’s a lot better about keeping his phone on him! I’ll get back to you soon; have a great day! Cheers!”

Kenjirou sighed and stuffed his phone back into his pocket. The call had gone straight to voicemail, so calling again and hoping Yuuji would hear the ringing this time around probably wouldn’t do any good. Kenjirou turned and looked back into the bedroom. The displays on the cameras had gone black as the devices shut themselves off after too much time of disuse.

It almost seemed silly, but Kenjirou ran the math anyway. The computer had already gone into screensaver when he’d arrived home, but the cameras hadn’t shut off until sometime between then and now. Knowing the time it took for all of the electronics to shut themselves off, Kenjirou figured the last time Yuuji had been in the room would’ve been no longer than 70 minutes ago, less than an hour before Kenjirou had gotten home.

70 minutes was a long time to spend at the convenience store looking for dinner.

Kenjirou quickly slipped his shoes on and walked there himself, passing each aisle with no more than a cursory glance.

On the way home, Kenjirou sent a brief text message and called Yuuji’s phone again.

“Hello! You’ve reached Terushima Yuuji— well, actually I guess you haven’t because this is voicemail! Sorry for missing your call; I’ll talk to you as soon as I possibly can or if you know my boyfriend, you can try calling Kenjirou because he’s a lot better about keeping his phone on him!—”

Kenjirou sighed and ended the call as he stepped back inside and threw his keys back on the counter, not caring that they slid off the edge and clinked to the floor. It was true. Yuuji wasn’t always the best at keeping his phone on him or fully charged or turned up. Just because he wasn’t answering calls, didn’t mean anything. Yuuji was always up to something and this was just another one of those somethings. Kenjirou looked around the empty house. He half expected Yuuji to pop his head out of the bedroom and flash a loose grin in Kenjirou’s direction and saunter out with an “Oh  _ there _ you are. Goof, what were you doing?”

 

In the next hour, Kenjirou tried everything he could think of. He checked the cameras and the computer to see if there were any clues to what Yuuji had been doing. There wasn’t anything there other than work-related projects. Kenjirou called a few close friends to see if Yuuji had run to someone’s house for something small and the conversation had escalated beyond what anyone had expected. No one Kenjirou talked to seemed to know and Kenjirou just had to make up some excuse to justify the call. Kenjirou wasn’t clingy and an hour and a half wasn’t a long enough time period to be concerned yet.

 

“Hello! You’ve reached Terushima Yuuji— well, actually I guess you haven’t because this is voicemail! Sorry for missing your call; I’ll talk to you as soon as I possibly can or if you know my boyfriend, you can try calling Kenjirou—”

Kenjirou slammed his phone down on the kitchen table. He wasn’t clingy, he wasn’t worried, he certainly wasn’t playing through every worst-case-scenario situation in his head.

There were a lot of ways to die in the world.

Kenjirou collapsed back onto the couch as a new one entered his thoughts. Each new imagined possibility sent a spike of adrenaline and fear through his body and after four hours, it was starting to hurt his chest. Or maybe it was just heartache.

It was just after 10:00 pm. Yuuji would have been asleep. He would’ve dragged Kenjirou to bed with him and Kenjirou would’ve protested because he still had stuff to work on for the night. They would have argued until Yuuji stuck a toothbrush in Kenjirou’s mouth and reminded him that he hadn’t gotten enough sleep last night and Yuuji wasn’t going to be getting into bed alone. Kenjirou would’ve brought his laptop with him in a last ditch attempt to keep working but Yuuji would’ve pestered him about wearing a wrist brace if he was going to write in bed and he would’ve laid his head on Kenjirou’s thigh and muttered sleepily into the fabric of Kenjirou’s t-shirt and Kenjirou would’ve gotten stuck running his fingers through Yuuji’s hair and watching his boyfriend’s eyes as he tried to keep them open while sleep pulled him under. Kenjirou would’ve smiled to himself in the darkness and closed his computer to slide down under the covers and press their foreheads together, letting his own eyes fall shut because there was no better place to be than in Yuuji’s arms that would’ve instinctively circled around him as they fell asleep in exact unison.

Kenjirou pulled a throw over his face to block out the living room light he was too tired to get up and turn off.

He was tired; he had been since he’d awoken, but the unsettled feeling that formed a cage of tightening vines around his stomach had overtaken his desire for sleep hours ago.

Yuuji should’ve been here with him. There was no way to justify his absence any longer. He was never out alone at night this late and certainly not unannounced. Maybe it was because they were losing their youth, there used to be many nights they opted to go out on the town that they had recently decided were better spent at home together. There wasn’t a single reason Kenjirou could think of to explain Yuuji’s absence so late in the twilight.

They should’ve been in bed together by now with an entire evening spent destressing from work and laughing and kissing to keep the easy smiles on both of their faces, but Kenjirou hadn’t even eaten dinner. He had just paced and sat down and thought and stood up and paced some more. He couldn’t even imagine going to bed like this.

Kenjirou reached for his laptop, leaning against the side of the couch, and opened up a document for an assignment he was working on.

The words weren’t coming like they usually did. Kenjirou just felt empty. The clock was still ticking on the shelf and Kenjirou’s keys were still on the floor and he thought maybe he had left the balcony door open when he came back inside, but he didn’t care. He was empty and the world was empty and—

The ringing of Kenjirou’s cell phone snapped him violently out of his trance and he dove for it immediately, a hundred emotions swirling through him when he saw the name.

“Where the hell are you!”

“Ahh— you noticed I’m not there?”

Kenjirou leaned back and rubbed his free hand over his eyes. “Of course I fucking noticed. Where are you? Do you need me to come pick you up? Why weren’t you answering my calls?”

Yuuji chuckled softly, though it wasn’t his normal blythe laugh. “Kenjirou, my phone battery isn’t going to last until I get back to you so I’m going to have to turn it off again, but I am coming home, okay?”

The lump rising in Kenjirou’s throat made him feel like he was going to puke. “What... What are you saying?”

“I need you to be patient and I need you to trust me. I will come home, I promise.”

Tears slipped down Kenjirou’s cheeks, but he kept his voice schooled and steady. “Yuuji, please, where are you?”

“I’m... I need to see a different sunrise, Kenjirou. I need to learn things about myself and I need to experiment and test boundaries and I’m experiencing things I didn’t even know about. Just give me time. That’s all I ask.”

“How can you ask that of me when you’ve told me nothing!” Kenjirou couldn’t help choking on a sob caught in his chest. “You can’t tell me nothing, Yuuji! I was about ready to call the fucking police! Where are you!?”

“I didn’t get kidnapped, Kenjirou. I’m okay. You’re gonna be okay too. I’ll be back soon.”

“How soon?”

“Not soon enough for me. I love you. Bye.”

“No, Yuuji, wait! Don’t hang up! I’m scared, Yuuji! Where are you? What’s happening!?”

Kenjirou continued screaming into the receiver even as the dial tone sounded in his ear. Yuuji had already hung up.

When he had run out of tears and emotions and thoughts, Kenjirou picked himself off the couch and flung himself to the bedroom floor.

“How can you say I’m going to be okay,” he whispered. “I can’t fall asleep without you.”

His mind still whirling with questions, but his vision blurring as the night deepened, Kenjirou opted to sift through copies of magazines in the closet that they had worked on. Kenjirou started out skimming over his old articles but switched to only looking at the pictures Yuuji had taken. He found he still knew which pages he could find them on in almost every single edition and he distinctly knew they were Yuuji’s, even though he didn’t entirely know how that worked.

He still had a hundred questions but busying himself with magazines was less painful than actually pondering them.

The sun was starting to come up. Kenjirou knew what was going to happen but he picked up his phone again.

“Hello! You’ve reached Terushima Yuuji— well, actually I guess you haven’t because this is voicemail! Sorry for missing your call; I’ll talk to you as soon as I possibly can or if you know my boyfriend—”

“Where did you go, Yuuji?” Kenjirou asked the sun that was beginning to shine in through the window, his voice hoarse. “Why aren’t you here with me? You said you’d always be here with me. So who am I really to you? Am I your boyfriend? Or am I just another person who let you into their life and who’s just now realizing how little significance I hold... It’s been three years, Yuuji. If you wanted to leave, why didn’t you do it before? If you’re gone because you’re... with someone else... then why didn’t you just tell me you weren’t in love with me anymore.”

 

The alarm clock went off at 7:00 like it always did and Kenjirou pulled himself off the floor to silence it. He didn’t know if he could get anything done like this, but sitting on the carpet against the side of the bed certainly wasn’t getting him anything.

He showered, dressed, drove back to work in a haze, and composed himself at his desk, flipping through papers and waiting for the ink to stain his fingers.

“Hello! You’ve reached Terushima Yuuji— well, actually I guess you haven’t because this is voicemail! Sorry for missing your call; I’ll talk to you as soon as I possibly can—”

“Hello! You’ve reached Terushima Yuuji— well, actually I guess you haven’t because this is voicemail! Sorry for missing your call—”

“Hello! You’ve reached Terushima Yuuji— well, actually I guess you haven’t because this is voicemail! Sorry for missing your call—”

“Hello! You’ve reached Terushima Yuuji— well, actually I guess you haven’t because this is voicemail! Sorry for missing your call—”

“Hello! You’ve reached Terushima Yuuji— well, actually I guess you haven’t because this is voicemail! Sorry for missing your call; I’ll talk to you as soon as I possibly can—”

Kenjirou put his phone away and numbly read through more papers until a hand on his shoulder snapped him back to awareness.

“Kenjirou?”

Kenjirou relaxed slightly and chided himself internally. He’d instinctively thought it was Yuuji coming to bother him. Yuuji was usually the only one who would attempt to talk to him while he was working. No one else dared to interrupt him. It wasn’t Yuuji. Of course it wasn’t Yuuji.

“Kenjirou, are you okay?”

Humming softly, Kenjirou spun his chair around slowly. “Yeah. Fine.”

Kenjirou’s boss stood with her hands on her hips. “It’s almost 8:30. The computer is saying you’ve been here for 13 hours and you didn’t take a lunch break.”

Kenjirou couldn’t force himself to make eye contact. He gestured to the stack of papers he’d edited. “Shit to do.”

“Did Yuuji decide to work from home again today?”

“Mm.”

“Go home, Kenjirou. You worked kinda late last night too. You don’t look great either. I don’t want to see you here tomorrow before 10 am. At the earliest. Take a day off if that would help you. I know there’s a lot to be done but it’s not any more than normal and it’s not all your responsibility. Leave some work for the rest of us to do.”

Kenjirou stood up silently and left the building.

 

“Hello! You’ve reached Terushima Yuuji— well, actually I guess you haven’t—”

Kenjirou flung the door of the bedroom closet open and roughly grabbed a cardboard box. It was filled with pictures Yuuji had taken and gotten printed over the last three years. This box and another just like it were packed with photos of the two of them, of them with friends and family, some just of Kenjirou because he was Yuuji’s favorite subject, but every single one was a fragment of the story of  _ them _ . The pictures were organized by the date they were taken and soon they would overfill the two boxes and another would have to be found to continue the meticulous catalog of the relationship.

Kenjirou hurled the box at the floor, sending the photos everywhere. The second box quickly followed the first and the entire bedroom carpet was buried under pages of memories.

There was a third box on the shelf of the closet, this one smaller and not quite as heavy. Kenjirou took it down with shaking hands and removed the lid. It was full of envelopes, each one of them sealed. Clearing a spot on the floor, Kenjirou sat down against the bed. There were a few more photos that he pushed out of his reach because seeing them made his heart hurt.

The first envelope was removed from the box and Kenjirou slid his finger under the tab, pausing as the paper sliced a thin, red line into his skin, striking through the printer ink words he’d picked up on his hands at work that he hadn’t bothered to wash off when he got home.

 

_ Kenjirou! _

_ I feel like I need to start with something dramatic like “You don’t know me well yet. But you will,” or even “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy” but really, I’m just! I loved getting to meet you today and this is a love letter that will never get sent but I figure it might be worth writing anyway, you know? _

 

Kenjirou moved to the second unopened letter when he’d finished with the first and discarded it on the floor. Yuuji had told him not long after they started dating that he’d been writing love letters since the day they had met. Kenjirou had laughed as Yuuji said he knew Kenjirou would. Yuuji said he was going to keep writing the letters, not to send, but just to keep track of everything, to immortalize the stages of progression they went through together. Kenjirou had laughed at that too and asked if he could read them. Yuuji had laughed then and told him that when the time was right, he could read them all he wanted.

The last letter in the box was only from a few weeks ago and everything that Yuuji had said in it just felt so normal. Improvised dinner plans and gentle cuddles and going to work together almost every day and soft late night arguments where they ended up smiling and holding each other even closer and sleepy weekend mornings where Kenjirou would try to keep Yuuji in bed until late in the morning and casual kisses and domestic life were just things that they did. None of it was weird until Kenjirou read about it in the letter. Because right now he had none of that and thinking of what used to be and what should have still been made him feel even emptier than he had in the whole last day and some.

 

_ Yuuji, _

_ I’ve been reading your letters. It has to be my turn now I think. Writing is my thing anyway; stop trying to steal the one thing I actually have over you. I would’ve written these for the past three years if you would have asked me to. If this is the last letter written, I don’t think I’ll be okay, but I can pretend. I don’t know where you are right now. Apparently, you’re off discovering yourself or whatever you said you were doing. Wherever you are though, I’m not with you and that’s where my problem lays. If you found someone better than me, I’m not surprised. I still don’t know how you settled for me anyway. I can’t say if I’ll ever get over you, but I’ll do my best if you ask me to. I just hope you’re finding what you’re looking for out there. I’ve been reading your letters, but they don’t feel real to me. When I read them and the ink doesn’t stick to my fingers, are they really my words to read? I can’t describe how I feel right now, which is both a new sensation for me and something I’m very very familiar with. You can always read my emotions before I even know something’s wrong, though I recognize my feelings this time. But there are too many for me to handle. Come back home to me, Yuuji. I still love you. I can’t live without you. I don’t know what you’re thinking or feeling right now but I’m still hanging onto hope that you’re coming back for me. This will be my second sleepless night and there will be one hundred more if that’s how long it takes before you return. I won’t survive one hundred sleepless nights without you. I think the world record is still eleven nights. I don’t think I can make it that long, I’ll hold out as long as I can for you, but I don’t want to. I don’t want another sleepless night. I want you next to me, holding me. I want you to hold your hand over my heart and I want you to tell me that it’s because the feeling of my heart beating is what keeps you grounded. Come home to me and feel my heart beating and let me feel yours so I can feel grounded too because I think this is what it feels like to drown. I’m trying to find air, but all I’m breathing in is the ink that marks my hands that you laugh about every night I come home with careless pen marks and printer residue across my fingers. It’s not just on my hands now; it’s covering me and I’m still sinking. I’m already fathoms deep in it. Please pull me out, Yuuji. _

 

Kenjirou leaned his head against the side of the bed and shut his eyes weakly. He hurt, inside and out.

The alarm clock went off. 7:00 am again.

Sliding his hand through the mess of photographs on the floor, Kenjirou reached for his phone, hitting the call button more out of obsessive necessity than actual belief that the result would be anything different.

“Hello! You’ve reached Terushima Yuuji—”

“Kenjirou!”

Blinking sleepy fog out of his eyes, Kenjirou looked up at the figure in the doorway.

“N-no!” Kenjirou stammered. “I don’t want you here! Don’t come back unless it’s for good!”

“I’m... I’m here, Kenjirou. I’m not going anywhere. Why would I leave again?”

Kenjirou was having trouble getting his eyes to focus even as Yuuji knelt directly in front of him, pushing the pad of paper off his lap. “Isn’t that where you were? You found someone better than me.”

The worry in Yuuji’s expression deepened. “Is that what you thought? That I was having an affair or something? Okay, first of all, you do that kind of thing in secret. Second of all, absolutely not. There will never be anyone better than you. I’m sorry I made you think that...”

“I didn’t know what to think! Could that phone call have been any more vague?”

“I’m sorry, Kenjirou, I’ll explain everything to you. You haven’t slept, have you. I’ll tell you after you’ve gotten some rest.”

Kenjirou shook his head, even though it hurt to do so. “Absolutely not. I’m not sleeping until you tell me everything.”

“Shh, baby, I’m here now. Please get some rest and we’ll work this out?”

“No. Explanation. Now.”

Yuuji frowned and ran his hand through Kenjirou’s hair. “Okay. Whatever you want. Can I sit next to you?”

“Yes.”

“Can I hold you?”

“Yes.”

Kenjirou felt limp as he was pulled to sit across Yuuji’s lap. He rested his head against his boyfriend’s chest and felt the steady, even beating of his heart.

“How long has it been since you slept?”

“48 hours.”

“Kenjirou... How long has it been since you ate?”

“Almost as long.”

“Can we please take care of that before we talk?”

“No.”

Yuuji sighed and held Kenjirou tighter. “I was with my dad.”

Kenjirou looked up at Yuuji expectantly.

“I was... kinda scared too, honestly. I’ve never met him. He left before I was born, after all.”

“Why couldn’t you have told me that over the phone so that I didn’t have to panic?”

“I really wasn’t sure what was going on, Kenjirou. For... For just a moment, I wasn’t sure if I was going to come back. I didn’t know what I could tell you. But I can tell you now that I’m never leaving you again. He had been keeping tabs on me for a while. He knows how to use google; he saw my name attached to magazine photography and I guess figured out where we live. He knocked on the door and you were still at the office and he introduced himself to me and...”

This was the embrace that could instantly charge Kenjirou’s battery and he found reserve strength enough to reach up and catch the first tears spilling from Yuuji’s eyes.

Yuuji hiccuped and slid a hand under Kenjirou’s shirt to hold over his heart. “I... I’ve imagined meeting him so many times. I’ve pictured the moment when he introduces himself to me. I knew exactly what I was going to say to him because I’ve played it out for my entire life. I knew what I was going to say when I yelled at him for leaving mom and me. And then it wasn’t anything like that at all. He wanted me to come with him, just for a little bit. He was going to show me what his version of life was like and he was going to tell me everything that he had wanted to tell me for 21 years. I’ve always been mad at him for leaving mom, but there were certain things... You see a different sunrise out there, Kenjirou. It was beautiful. I can’t even describe the feeling of freedom... But it didn’t even come close to what I have with you.”

Kenjirou felt tears return to his own eyes and he leaned his head on Yuuji’s shoulder.

“I never considered leaving an option before. Leaving was what good-for-nothing husbands did when they didn’t want the responsibility of raising a kid and taking care of someone else. All I ever knew was that that was never going to be me. But going with my dad and talking to him and hearing his side of the story, it opened my eyes. He sees a different sunrise. I took one picture with my phone before I ran out of battery, if I can show you.”

Yuuji reached for the charger plugged in beside the bed and powered his phone on, opening his camera roll and pulling up the first image of the sun peeking over the horizon, rays spreading out across the sky.

“I don’t know if I understand...” Kenjirou said, squinting at the image. It looked like any ordinary sunrise.

“Exactly.” Yuuji placed his phone to the side and peppered Kenjirou’s face with kisses. “It’s the same sunrise I’m used to seeing. But he sees a different sunrise. And so do you. There are 7 billion different skies out there because everyone sees it differently. I’m not upset with my dad anymore for leaving. Well, a little bit. But what I had never seen before was his version of the sunrise. I had never seen the world through his eyes. And while he may not have made all the right decisions, he followed his north star and there was nothing that anyone could do to redirect that. Getting to talk to him was incredible and I really hope he stays in touch because the way he lives life amazes me. And I think I understand how the world works a little better now too and I’ve definitely learned a lot about myself. And I’ve learned that my north star leads me right back to you. And my sunrises never look better than from that balcony when I’m standing next to you.”

Kenjirou looked over his shoulder at the rays of light flooding into the room. Yuuji lent him a hand and Kenjirou stood up and pulled them outside.

“Isn’t it perfect?” Yuuji whispered.

Kenjirou could only nod.

“I’ve seen what’s out there, Kenjirou. I’ve seen the other options. I’m never going to leave. Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah,” Kenjirou breathed.

“Now will you get some rest?”

Kenjirou didn’t reply, but allowed himself to be moved to the bed with the blankets pulled over him and Yuuji sitting next to him, smiling softly.

Kenjirou looked at the photographs still scattered across the floor. “I, uh... I’m sorry for making a mess.”

Yuuji laughed. “It’s okay. I’ll reorganize everything. Cleaning is fun when I get to look at pictures of you.”

Kenjirou blushed. “Also I wrote you a love letter, kinda. It’s in that notebook.”

Yuuji pulled the paper off the floor and read over it silently, fresh tears sliding down his face.

“Sorry for doubting you,” Kenjirou said.

“I’m sorry for giving you reason to doubt me. I hope someday I’ll make it up to you.” With a soft smile, Yuuji took both of Kenjirou’s hands in his own. “And you don’t need to worry about getting imprints from the pen. I’ll write my love letters to you directly onto your hands if it’ll make your feel like the words are meant for you alone.”

“Okay.” Kenjirou was starting to have trouble keeping his eyes open.

“Do you still feel like you’re drowning?”

“No.”

“Good. I’ve got you now. You’re not fathoms deep. You’re right here and so am I and together is a pretty great place to be.”


End file.
